Meltdown City

So I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. Been extremely busy with work and working out and prepping food. I know that's not an excuse.

Well it finally it hit me. That "thing" that many competitors have warned me about. Yup. I had my very first meltdown this past weekend. I did not anticipate it at all. I thought I was on a roll and was feeling great about everything. The eating, the work outs, the results. Then Saturday night, as I laid in bed, I just kept thinking about how much fat I still have to lose, how tiny I am, how flat my butt is, yada yada yada...and so little time to improve that. How am I going to compete in 7 weeks? No way!

Sunday morning, while Vince and I were relaxing, I texted Yoko with "Do you HONESTLY think that I'm going to be ready to be competitive in April?" It was a loaded question and I thought she answered it perfectly. She ended up calling me as if she knew that it was better said through conversation rather than through text. I did my best to fight back tears and not be a baby.

I sobbed like a baby after I got of the phone with her and I just filled my head with doubts and really just get the pressure of the show get the best of me. After calming down, I stayed in the room and just really thought about what I wanted to do and why I wanted to do the competition in the first place.

I started this journey to really see how far I can push myself physically and mentally. I wanted to inspire other people and better and challenge myself. It was a lifestyle change (or mix up as I would call it) and wasn't about getting on the stage and comparing myself to the other girls who a lot of them have been training and invested a lot of time and money trying to get their pro cards. I had to really dig in and look at the amazing progressed that I've made over the past few weeks. The people that I've inspired so far and the friendships that I've already made during this training. THAT to me is what matters the most. I shouldn't let the pressure of the show be bigger than what it is. I'm in competition with myself and myself alone. No one can say that I don't deserve to be on that stage because I do. I've worked my butt off and will continue to do so even after the show. I deserve to be on that stage and have my moment, even if I come in last. That's not what matters.

So after much consideration, I'm going to try my very best to not let myself get to this point again. Yoko and I switched up my workouts and nutrition and we are ready to kick some major ass (okay mostly my little one) and be stage ready in April!