Well let's just say that I did not have the greatest week last week but ended it nicely with a very special anniversary dinner and Michael Buble concert with my baby.
I had a very very long, stressful, hard week. I worked over 60 hours last week and had photography jobs all weekend long. I had a big presentation on Monday so I had to work on that over the weekend as well. Saturday I was just overwhelmed with everything I had to do and I broke down in tears as soon as I started think about what I needed to get done. I sobbed like a baby for a good while. As weird as it sounds, it helped a lot. I felt like I needed a release. As soon as I started crying I needed to talk to someone. I called my boyfriend at work (which was probably not a good idea) - poor thing - I know he didn't feel to good about not being able to comfort me while I was crying. Talking to him helped a little. I decided to walk away from what I needed to do and take care of me first. So after I managed to stop the water works, I took the kiddos for a long walk - it's more for me than for them but it benefited them too. I then called the spa at our complex (it's very convenient that they're no more than a 2 minute walk away from my apt) and did some yoga. I also scheduled a deep tissue massage - a 90 minute one - I was very tempted to schedule two back to back but I had a photography appointment that afternoon. It was money well spent. I needed it. I felt relaxed and re-energized. I was able to tackle on the things I needed to do after that, one by one. I just needed to step away for a minute. When my boyfriend got home, he brought me chocolates, bath salt, bubble bath and "Breaking Dawn" (I've wanted to read it)to help me relax. How great is he? :)
I think for a very busy person - no matter how strong, disciplined and determined you are - a meltdown is inevitable. I learned that walking away from it for a bit and regrouping is a good way to re tackle things after a meltdown.. for me anyway..
During my little meltdown - I kept asking myself "What am I doing this?" "Is it worth it?" - of course the immediate answer during a meltdown is NO but thinking with a clear head the answer is ABSOLUTELY. I know that all my hard work will someday (not that it's not already) will pay off. I know myself better than anyone and I also challenge myself more than anyone else. I set goals but strive to go beyond that. I don't like to put limits on myself because that just makes me want to prove myself wrong. I constantly have a fight with myself about the things I can and cannot do. When the thought of "no way I can do that" enters my mind - I challenge it and try to prove myself wrong (does that make me crazy?).
I'm already seeing some payoffs with my hard work and I know it will only get better from here. I mean I get to design spaces that impacts people everyday! With my years of experience, not a lot of Junior Designers get to design an entire project on their own - let alone three or four of them but I do! I've proven myself to the people I work with that they trust me enough to do this on my own. I get to present it to the clients! I get to watch my ideas come to life! How cool is that?! With my photography, I can't believe I'm booking as many jobs as I am! I get so happy when people tell me how much they love my work. I've never done wedding photography before but when the bride and groom tells me that from what they've seen of my work, they have great faith in me that I can capture moments on the biggest day of their lives beautifully and would love for me to do photograph their weddings? To me that's a big deal. I've only been doing the photography thing since March and I've done 15 sessions and booked 4 weddings already? I think that's pretty darn good.
I take pride in what I do and what I produce. I'm my own worst critic. I find it hard to tell myself that something I did was very good. I'm never satisfied but I take that as a good thing. There's always room for improvement and that leads to making extra effort to make it better next time and it's constantly evolving. I do whatever it takes to be all that I can be and do the best that I can do and sometimes I have my moments and breakdown but in the end it's all worth it and I would it over and over and over and over again.
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